‘Be more like a woman!’
It’s been said.
All that I am not has been summed up in one little sentence and I have to deal with it.
I’m trying to smile the pain away.
Nervously I’m searching for a cigarette, hope, dignity.
I shouldn’t be on this earth.
Not today, not tomorrow.
‘You are becoming worse each day!’
‘Thanks, I know and you are a fucked up arrogant selfish little shit which is interested in superficial people and superficial relationships.
Excuse my existence, I won’t bother you again with my appearance.’
That’s what I should have said.
But I didn’t.
Instead I just laughed with you at myself, about myself.
Going home. Talking to mum.
‘I thought you were a pretty girl and shouldn’t be alone.’
Apparently I’m not and thanks for telling me.
I wish you all the best.
I’m out of here.
And I cannot even tell you to fuck off.
shared with permission from Journal [unfinished]