“My relationship with my body is love/hate – mostly hate.”

TW for bulimia.

My relationship with my body is love/hate – mostly hate. I have a 1 year old little girl and she has COMPLETELY changed my body! Before I got pregnant I was pretty curvy but felt fine about myself. I did always want to look like they did in magazines but not enough to actually do something about it!

I was about 30-something weeks pregnant when I started getting stretch marks and I felt horrible. I felt fat, bloated and ugly! Then I gave birth by cesarean and have been left with a scar that makes my belly look weird and saggy. I was sick of feeling fat and ugly so I did something about the weight. I lost 2 and a half stone within 6-8 months. I felt great physically but mentally still ugly.

I follow hundreds of clean eating and body building pages on Instagram and I want to be like them but I am so mentally drained with being a single mum that I have no motivation. I weigh myself everyday and if I put on a few pound I sometimes make myself sick. It’s so stupid. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel great and think, “well, I look pretty hot for a mum!”, but that’s soon wiped away and I look closely at my stretch marks and lifeless boobs and feel like a deflated balloon.

2 thoughts on ““My relationship with my body is love/hate – mostly hate.”

  1. I’ve struggled with eating disorders most of my life, and I strongly recommend seeing a specialist to discuss these concerns with. It takes a lot of work to stop the negative self talk but it’s really important to love yourself as you are right this second and counteract your ED voice. It takes practice and patience too. I hope for your sake that you will start nurturing yourself and not see your unique self as someone that has to conform to society’s standards to be acceptable. Your body has battle scars from growing a baby… The best thing to ever happen to you! It was worth it wasn’t it?

  2. It is very difficult to get out of negative thought patterns. Especially if you are exhausted from running after kids. If, and when, you feel ready I would suggest giving beat a call. They are an eating disorder charity and understand exactly where you are coming from. An eating disorder is not just the physical act of denying your body food but all the other stuff that swirls in your head so if can go and speak to someone – support groups are great. Finally, be proud of who you are. You are a strong, wonderful woman who has the badge of honour of also being a mother. Try and remember this 8f anyone tells you otherwise.

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