“If a partner knows you well, I have always felt that they should be able to compliment you on something more substantial or uniquely you than your appearance.”

I wrote a post over a year ago about body confidence and my changing attitude to my body over the years but now I’m going to write one reflecting on a recent experience and how it’s made me rethink my attitude to my body.

Last weekend, situations transpired that I hooked up with and have kinda begun seeing a good friend. Sorry, this anecdote will get to the point soon! He is someone in my close friend group whom I have known for years and liked for a while. We have a lot in common and I like to think that we know each other well. Over the course of the romancing, he mentioned my appearance several times in general terms of “You’re beautiful” etc. I never enjoy these compliments but can cope with them when I hook up with acquaintances or strangers but I hate hearing it in this sort of situation. If a partner knows you well, I have always felt that they should be able to compliment you on something more substantial or uniquely you than your appearance.

I understand that he was simply trying to compliment me and I believe that he was entirely genuine and I know that I am over-reacting with this silent battle in my head. In recent years I have learned to take compliments but upon finally hooking up with someone who knows me well, it upsets me that the most prominent thing about me he wants to comment on are my looks. It opens up the paranoia that they are my ‘redeeming feature’ as well as that I am interchangeable in his mind with any other “beautiful” girl.

Perhaps I should just shut up and accept the compliment but it upset me and I have been brooding over the reasons why it bothered me so much for a week now. I prefer my body confidence to come from myself rather than the opinions of others. And while the “You’re beautiful” line is commonplace etiquette in drunken pulling situations, I do not want a potential relationship to have any basis on my partner’s appreciation of my looks.

I noticed that for the rest of the weekend, I spent a great deal of time worrying about my appearance and the other day almost requested my friend take down a photo from Facebook where I have a double chin. This is not me! Who is this taking over my brain?

Maybe I should just shut up and learn to take a compliment… to be honest I much prefer to be happy and have my body confidence based on my own opinions.

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