Although I don’t particularly dislike my body, I much prefer it covered. I don’t feel particularly comfortable naked but I do want to be. I am not ashamed of it, but I wish parts didn’t wobble so much, or that there wasn’t stretch marks or cellulite. But fact of the matter is, it’s perfectly natural for my body to not be completely smooth and toned, but the only images I see of women’s bodies are (usually) perfectly smooth, and almost seem sculpted; not a lump or a bump, a mark or a scratch. And that is what is not natural! I should not be embarrassed, or uncomfortable with myself naked, even when I’m on my own. But I am, and I don’t even really like seeing myself in the shower. I am trying though. For the past year or so, when I feel OK with myself I’ll maybe not get dressed straight away after a shower, or I’ll take my time getting dressed and try to ‘hang out’ with myself naked. Something I have never done before. I don’t know what was a turning point for me to realise that I wanted to get over my naked fear, I just started to want to be happy with being naked.
I don’t really know why I feel so uncomfortable being naked, I don’t really feel uncomfortable being around people who are naked, not that i have much experience with being around naked people (and maybe that’s what I’ve been missing!) but I would struggle to be naked myself, I would sit in a certain position so that I’m mostly covered and I’m not sure why. Maybe I feel indecent, but it would only be indecent if I was being naked in a situation where it would be inappropriate to be naked! I think I’ve only been naked in ‘public’ (and that was at a party with a mix of people I did and didn’t know – not just out in the open!) once or twice, I was probably drunk and I think I only got my boobs out, I did feel a sense of freedom but also fear. I don’t want to feel that fear.
I’ve also recently started taking baths with a close girl friend and I think this will be something that will also help me become more comfortable. Hanging out naked is something that I haven’t done often, and maybe not something I want to do on a regular basis with just any old soul, but with the right friends/woman it’s something that I could really benefit from and see being an enjoyable experience. But it’s all about baby steps I think, or at least this is what works for me. And I’m not doing this so I can just strip off in a big room full of people and be completely ok with it, but I want to be able to be myself in my own skin and not feel like there is something wrong with me, which deep down I know there isn’t, but it’s breaking down to that point where my conscious thoughts feel and think that way. I know I’m not fat, I’m not skinny, I’m not muscular or toned, I’d say I have a healthy body so why am I not happy with it? What is it I want it to be like? I don’t know the answer to that question, I couldn’t say what I wish my body was like as I don’t want another body… I just want to like/enjoy being naked with the one I have!
When I’m naked I feel a bit cheeky and silly, there is a certain thrill that comes with being naked, even when I’m just on my own. This sort of changes when I see my naked body in a mirror though, because I then just analyse every bit of it, whether good or bad. And actually, I can’t remember the last time I looked at myself properly in the mirror whilst fully naked (I’ll be in my underwear at least as I don’t have a proper mirror in my room and am definitely not ready for hallway nakedness). I don’t seem to analyse my body when there isn’t a mirror though. I don’t really look at it, but I am very aware of being naked. I’d like to enjoy naked time, and I believe with time this will come.
I hope this blog can be the start of a great journey for me, and for many woman, who want to be more comfortable with the body they are in, or want to celebrate the body they’ve got so we can all love and glorify all that is natural and beautiful with the female form!